This is a difficult thing for me to write, or even think about. You can’t go back and change things that already happened, so why worry about them? But, since that is the assignment, here goes.
“We would like to offer you the workstudy position of videographer for the NSU football team.”
“Wow, thank you, can I have a bit to think about it?” Can I have a bit to think about it? Why would I ask that? Why would I want to think about it? Take the job! Take the job! TAKE THE JOB! But, that is not who I am. I am sitting in my bedroom of my mom’s apartment, safe and secure in the normal, the same things that I have had in my room for the two years since we moved to town. Not worrying about the unknowns of the dorms or a new town, because I am in the same room as I was in high school, with my over-sized computer desk and my over-sized book collection.
What will it be like if I take the job? Do the football players really want to be saddled with dealing with ME as their videographer? Will I be able to deal with being around so many people that I don’t know? Will I get picked on? I am not the most athletic person, everyone can see that? Oh my goodness, I can’t do this, I can’t put myself out there this much. No, I am too shy. Wait, Jessica, you need to start putting yourself out there more. You are not in high school anymore. You need to deal with these insecurities. I know, but I can’t do it. You know what I went through. What did you go through? No one treated you poorly, no one made fun of you. You did not put yourself out there. You did not work to be included. What do you know? And what about Uncle Arnie’s wedding? I can’t miss that to video some practice. This is about family. If you are going to play the family card, I can’t reason with you. Fine, turn down the opportunity to change yourself.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had taken that workstudy position. How would my life have been different? What would it have changed? Where would I be now if I had taken that leap? Would I be in the same place? Somewhere better? Somewhere worse? I will never know, because you cannot change the past.
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