1/18 Summary & Scene Ex 2 pg 228

One sentence:

Cabbage shouldn’t have a streak of red in it.

One paragraph:

I was shredding cabbage with a serrated knife to freeze for soup. There was a towel under the head and I was having a great time watching a movie and cutting up vegetables. All of a sudden there is a sharp pain in my hand. I had sliced open my finger. Ow, Ow, Ow, that hurts so much. Dang it, dang it dang it. Tears started to well up as I covered the wound in the part of the towel that had been hanging over the edge and hobbled to the bathroom to run water over it so I could see the damage.

Scene

I had gone this morning to pick up my “Bountiful Basket”. A basket filled with half fruits and half vegetables. You never knew exactly what you were going to get, just half and half. This time there were carrots, cabbage, lettuce, grape tomatoes, apples, pears, and bananas. The tomatoes were dropped off at a friend’s house before she even got home. Now it was time to prep everything else for storage. I peeled and chopped the apples and pears to put in the freezer to use later for baking or smoothies. The bananas were put in a paper bag on the cupboard to ripen. The carrots and lettuce were cleaned and stored in the refrigerator. Now, to deal with the cabbage. 

Who needs this much cabbage? Well, I guess shred it and freeze it for soup. I got out a towel to put over the table, and grabbed a knife to do the job. Dang, all the smooth blades are in the sink to be washed. Serrated it is.

Now, how to start this? I guess I will cut out the end and just go for it. I began, cutting the head of cabbage into quarters to make it more manageable, then beginning to shred one quarter of it. All of a sudden there is a sharp pain in my hand. I had sliced open my finger. Ow, Ow, Ow, that hurts so much. Dang it, dang it dang it. Tears started to well up as I covered the wound in the part of the towel that had been hanging over the edge and hobbled to the bathroom to run water over it so I could see the damage.

Damn, does that need stitches? I don’t know if it needs stitches. Who would know? I feel so stupid, but I guess I’ll call Mom. I dialed the phone, it rang and rang, no answer. Shoot, okay, Stacy, she is a first responder at work, she should know. Dial again, “Hey, what’s up?” She sounds sleepy, Did I wake her? Is she not feeling well? Great I woke her up because of my own stupidity. “Hey, how’s it going? Did I wake you?”

“Not really, I am just watching a movie.”

“Oh, okay. Listen I feel really dumb about this, but could you come over and look at something? I cut myself and need to know if I should go for stitches.” Jeez, I hate asking for help, especially when it is for something so dumb.

“On my way!” Okay, now she sounds frantic, dang it, it is not that big of a deal.

“Thanks, but it is not a huge deal, it is just my finger, just forget it. I’ll just bandage it up.”

“No, we’re on our way just sit tight” click.

Well shoot. I paced back and forth while I waited. Trying to resist the urge to look at the finger again, knowing that I shouldn’t take the pressure off of it yet.

Oh, there they are. I can see the truck pull up through the open door. Stacy doesn’t even make it to the door before the questions start.

“What happened?” she demands.

“I was shredding some cabbage and cut my finger.” I know how dumb it sounds, but what can you do.

“How long ago?”

“Just before I called you. Listen, it is really not that bad. I think I over reacted.”

“Let me see” she sounds like she might be calming down a bit.

1/11 Getting Started Ex 1 pp19-20

The song says “Scars are tattoos with better stories”. I disagree. The first scar I remember getting is a small checkmark on the back of my ankle. It looks like someone was giving it their approval. That is not at all what it is, it is a scar, one with a slightly embarrassing story behind it.

I was working in Lawn and Garden one summer and it happened the first time I helped unload the truck. There was very little training, there were seven people pushing and pulling flower carts having a good time. They all learned an important lesson that day, ‘Never pull a flower cart’. I was doing just that when the wheel hit a crack in the parking lot. The cart picked up speed and knocked me to the ground. The embarrassed laughter started first, it was bad enough to trip, but to trip in front of management, horrifying. The supervisor helped me to my feet and went in to start the accident paperwork. It took me a bit longer to realize I was hurt, well more than my pride. I didn’t know that I was hurt until I felt blood seeping into my sock. Then I had to limp across the parking lot and into the office to get bandaged up.

The song says “Scars are tattoos with better stories”. But, not all scars are visible. Many of them are internal, no one can see the scars left on your soul, the many turbulent situations that you have worked through. A tattoo is a visual reminder of your strength. It can give you the boost you need to carry on. It can be a reminder of a special person, animal or time in your life. As a tattoo artist, Jenna had heard all of the stories. She had laughed and cried along with her clients while listening to their stories and trying to help them find the perfect image to express themselves.

There is a lot more to her job than meets the eye. You have to have artistic ability. You need to be able to ask the right questions to get the best image. You have to be able to read people and know that this really is something they want permanently on their bodies. Jenna had developed a sort of sixth sense about human-kind over the years. She knew who was the “Let’s do this now” type, and she knew who was the “I need to think it over a bit more” type. When Ivory came into the shop Jenna knew that this was going to be a difficult one. This was going to be a heart wrenching story of loss. The look on the woman’s face was a mixture of determination and sadness.

“Good morning” Jenna tried to put on a happy face. “What can I do for you today?”

“I want to get a tattoo, in remembrance of my daughter.” Ivory said the words like she had practiced them over and over again until she could say them without breaking down in tears.

“Okay, do you have an idea in mind? Or, do you want to tell me a bit about her and work out something together?”

“I have never done this before, and I am not sure what I want exactly. Can you give me some ideas about what other people have done?” Jenna could tell that the young woman was close to tears, so, she did something she only did occasionally. She walked to the door and flipped the closed sign and locked it. She led the shaking woman to the couch in the waiting room and sat with her.

“Tell me about your daughter.” It was said with kindness and genuine interest.

Ivory began the story, “I have always wanted to have children, I was born to be a mom. When I couldn’t find the right guy, I decided to go it alone. I had invitro-inseminaiton. I was so excited when I took the at home test and it was positive. I took four more just to be sure. After a doctor confirmed it, I went on a shopping spree. I bought every gender neutral baby item I could find. I wanted to have time to get the nursery set up perfectly before my baby came. I was giddy before each doctor’s appointment. When I heard her heartbeat for the first time, I felt like my life was finally complete. I spent hours just listening to the recoding of my baby’s heartbeat at night. I felt such peace.’

“Everything was great, until my twenty week appointment. That morning I dressed hurridly, I didn’t even put on make up. I was the first appointment of the day and I wanted to be there early. I couldn’t wait to see my baby for the first time.’

“The doctor got quiet when he found the baby, and my heart sank. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’ He told me that they needed to do some tests. I went from serene to panicked in a matter of minutes. After a myriad of tests the doctor said the words that all parents dread. ‘There is something wrong with your child. She has 

Reaction to third set of essays

“42 Tattoos” Moore 243-51

I love the piece-mail design of this essay. The author did not write all of the quotes. He found them. All of them said something about tattoos, but they were in no means reiterations of each other. It never would have occurred to me to put different quotes together in this way to form an essay. It was an interesting read.

“Somehow/Family” Moore 143-50

This was, again, not what I expected from the title. I was expecting to read about adoption, either legal, or just the forming of a family from a group of friends. Instead it was more about the writer’s relationship to the television. There were parts about his family interspersed between episodes of “The Brady Bunch” but it was mostly about the television shows. The topic is one that can strike a chord with anyone. There are always certain shows that you equate with a particular time in your life.

“In Praise/Comma” IB 79-82

I love that this one is about a punctuation mark. It proves than anything can provide a spark for a writer. It can be family, friends, strangers, television shows, inanimate objects and even punctuation. There is always something to write about, something that hasn’t been said about a subject. You just need to provide your own perspective to it.

“Clan of/Women” Moore 257-2

There is a history of cancer in many families. There is not always a reason for it. You cannot always pinpoint why a family is so afflicted with this horrible disease. It is heartbreaking, but you have to keep living.

“Hope” IB 76-77

“Hope” really drills in the fact that you do not know another person’s story just by looking at them. They may have had sufferings or triumphs that you can only imagine. You would have known it to look at this woman, but she had a story, a history that could be turned into a published essay. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

“Alive” IB 103-4

The fact that the woman was a police officer made her feel comfortable in general, but in the moments that she needed to be, she got more and more nervous and scared. She did keep her wits about her and get some information. No matter how safe you feel, no matter how much training you have, fear is a natural emotion and you should not be ashamed of it. But you also cannot let it paralyze you to the point that you can’t remember the details that may be important later.

“You’ll Love . . .” IB 105-6

This tells the story of a flight attendant who was willing to help someone even though they were ill and there was a chance that she would catch something from him. The person was so grateful to the flight attendant that they gave her a tip on the way off and whole heartedly agreed with the company slogan “You’ll Love the Way We Fly”. I think that everyone has had someone come into their life that made them uncomfortable. I had a man that I was supposed to teach to use computers that I was uncomfortable with. He was very blunt about everything and always wore sweatpants. I was uneasy with him, but I did my best to make him comfortable and help him. I never got over that uneasy feeling. It was not fear, just uneasiness. I worked with him for three months. He learned what he needed to know and I hope that he is very happy now. 

4b. What Makes Me, Me.

She is a stubborn person. She hates to ask for help. She does not like to socialize. She is not a big drinker. She would rather stay home and watch opk’s (Other People’s Kids) than go out to the bar or even to the movies. She can be selfless or selfish depending on the situation.

She grew up with a mother who would do anything for anyone and a father who “Looked out for number one, and I am number one”. These are two very different parenting styles. Neither one was a great way to raise children. The father put his own comforts and wants above anyone else’s. The mother would sacrifice herself over and over again to do things for others.

The girl grew up doing things for others, but not with others. She did not see herself as number one. Ever. She was always secondary. What a woeful way to grow up, a secondary character in your own life. She turned to books and imaginary worlds as a way to cope with the internal struggles of adolescence. Struggles that affect her today.

She finally got her own apartment, but not until she felt her nieces were either okay or had the support that they needed. She finally rebelled. At twenty-five years old, she took a hold on her own life. She does not make rash decisions, she always plans them out. Even if they seem impulsive, she has put more research and thought into it than most do after weeks.

She likes to be alone. Always has. She is the type who can gladly go without seeing anyone for days and be perfectly fine with it. As a matter of fact, she can get testy when others invade her solitude.

She is learning to speak her mind. It is not that she does not care about the people she is seemingly insulting. She cares immensely and does not want to see them get hurt because she did not tell them they were acting in a way that might hurt them. She tells her mother when she is worrying and stressing so much that it will cause physical dangers. She tells her mother that she really hopes that the stressing and worrying will cause a heart attack if she is not careful and that a counselor would be paid to listen to her grievances and then she would be able to air them without bringing down those around her. She tells her eldest niece when she is acting like a brat, she does the same with her siblings. It is a freeing revelation to her that she is capable of doing so in a manner that will not completely alienate her.

She is learning to take care of herself. She is trying to get better about saying the ever so difficult word, No. She is going to be okay eventually.

Yes, she is me and I will be okay.

Chapter 6, The One Moment I Regret the Most...

This is a difficult thing for me to write, or even think about. You can’t go back and change things that already happened, so why worry about them? But, since that is the assignment, here goes.

“We would like to offer you the workstudy position of videographer for the NSU football team.”

“Wow, thank you, can I have a bit to think about it?” Can I have a bit to think about it? Why would I ask that? Why would I want to think about it? Take the job! Take the job! TAKE THE JOB! But, that is not who I am. I am sitting in my bedroom of my mom’s apartment, safe and secure in the normal, the same things that I have had in my room for the two years since we moved to town. Not worrying about the unknowns of the dorms or a new town, because I am in the same room as I was in high school, with my over-sized computer desk and my over-sized book collection.

What will it be like if I take the job? Do the football players really want to be saddled with dealing with ME as their videographer? Will I be able to deal with being around so many people that I don’t know? Will I get picked on? I am not the most athletic person, everyone can see that? Oh my goodness, I can’t do this, I can’t put myself out there this much. No, I am too shy. Wait, Jessica, you need to start putting yourself out there more. You are not in high school anymore. You need to deal with these insecurities. I know, but I can’t do it. You know what I went through. What did you go through? No one treated you poorly, no one made fun of you. You did not put yourself out there. You did not work to be included. What do you know? And what about Uncle Arnie’s wedding? I can’t miss that to video some practice. This is about family. If you are going to play the family card, I can’t reason with you. Fine, turn down the opportunity to change yourself.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had taken that workstudy position. How would my life have been different? What would it have changed? Where would I be now if I had taken that leap? Would I be in the same place? Somewhere better? Somewhere worse? I will never know, because you cannot change the past.

Reactions to First set of readings

 “The Drama Bug” Moore 229-35

I started this story really not liking the mother. She did not encourage her child to pursue his dreams. She feels that he is abnormal for wanting to be in a play. At the end, I really liked her. She attended his play and told him how great he was in it. Even though she disapproved, she showed support for what was important to him. The story tells us about the loss of hero worship one boy experienced toward an actor. I think everyone is guilty of jumping to conclusions about someone based on first impressions and superficial reasons, then when you look beneath the surface you either like them more or less, depending on what you find.

“Mirrorings” Moore 157-66

This story struck a chord with me. I can understand the author’s struggle to accept herself the way that she is. She kept telling herself that life would be better with the next surgery or the next treatment. I have experienced something similar. While my physical deformity is more self-imposed than anything else, I kept telling myself if I lost the weight I would be happier, healthier and life would magically get better. The problem with this mindset is that if you do not fix the underlying issues, nothing will change, even if your looks do. I have had to take quite a journey to figure out how to be okay with who I am and what I want. Now, I am finally ready to work on the outside, because the inside is on the way to being healed.

“My Children Explain” IB 133-5

This story is a great example of how something you did as a child resonates with who you are now.

 “Out There” Moore 127-31

This story begins very conversational, very calm. There is a shift after the convenience store though. You can begin to feel the author’s terror and insecurity. Through her writing you can feel how scared and panicked she is. It is almost as though you are there with her, you can hear the threats and slurs from the next car as you frantically are trying to find a way to escape. It is a very powerful and moving piece, especially because we did not get the expected ending. The other driver gets off at an exit. They are not caught or arrested, we never even find out if he is the criminal that she talked about at the beginning. Sometimes the unknown is the scariest part of a story.

“Brothers” Moore 205-10

This is the story of two brothers and the difference between what is remembered and what is true. It begins with a description of a video, which was strange to me. Then it goes on to explain that even though the writer had seen the video, he could not remember the day that it was taken. He remembers his childhood and his relationship with his brother, but not this particular incident. Then there is a description of a picture taken years later of them with their arms around each other. He seems to be letting us know that even if a sibling does something mean to us as a child, we should not necessarily hold it against them for life.

“Interlude” IB 123-4

This story shows the different ways that people can view the same person or thing. The uncle is seen by adults as lazy and a dreamer. The children see him as someone who does what he wants to and doesn’t worry about all of the things adults seem to think are worrisome.

 “Courage of Turtles” Moore 184-8

This story uses the turtles as a metaphor for the times that someone is trying to do the right thing and help, but thigs don’t go the way it was expected and you can’t go back and undo your “help”. You have to move on and try to be okay with it.

“Silent Dancing” Moore 132-9

This story is one of the struggle between two different cultures within one person. Which culture does she choose to honor, or does she honor neither and do what she wants. I like this story because it exemplifies the pressures put on children by those around them and the confusion that it can cause for them.

“Wind from the North” IB 104-6

This is a sad story about someone’s uncle whom they never had a chance to know. The uncle let every opportunity to get to know his family go by. What a sad commentary on the state of the world that we do not even take the time to get to know our own family.

Chapter 5b What They Don't Tell You

What they don’t tell you about being a member of my family is that we are just like the characters on “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. Everyone is in each other’s business and lives. The whole family knows what you are doing within hours of telling one person. Your cousins’ kids are your nieces and nephews and you are expected to be a good role model for them. You are expected to help when something needs done, a house needs sided, a wedding planned, or a tree cleared. You are expected to ask for help when you need it. I moved from 2 houses to an apartment and it took all of 4 hours to load haul and unpack just about everything. However, I am an exception. I had everything packed and most of it on the main floor. I have helped paint more houses than I could possibly ever own, I have ripped up carpet and torn down walls. I am much better at destruction than construction, and everyone knows that. Once the kids started coming, I became the babysitter. I loved it, I got to play while they worked. Not that it is easy, running herd on half a dozen kids will drive you insane. No matter what you are doing, there is always someone to help you with it. While we don't roast lamb, the rest of this quote really applies, "My family is big and loud but they're my family. We fight and we laugh and yes, we roast lamb on a spit in the front yard. And where ever I go, what ever I do they will always be there."